Random Thoughts and Confessions

1) It's Friday.

2) Please for the love of God, DON'T TOUCH MY BELLY. At least warn me first. I don't like being touched and it puts me in a bad mood, so just don't. The next time someone does this, I've promised myself that I'm going to grab the biggest part of their body (belly, backside, boobies).

3) It's Friday, but I can't be happy, because I basically have a shitload of stuff that I don't want to do but that has to be done this weekend. And I'm tired.

4) Please don't ask about my swollen feet or aching back and then tell me I shouldn't be feeling that. Please don't because I don't to have an assault and battery charge.

5) I have a hard time accepting weight gain even though I know I'm pregnant and supposed to be fat.

6) I want to sleep again.

7) I am extremely proud of myself for this conversation:
Rude Heffa: Oooh, you look tired! It must be a girl, you know how they steal your beauty! Haha!
Me: Uh, what?
RH: Well, that's what they say, if you're having a boy, you look better, but if you're having a girl, you look worse.
Me: Oh, well, you know that that's not true. You had a boy and you looked tired the whole time too.
RH: *stare*
Me: *grin*

8) My back hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts, I can't sleep, I am tired. Yet, I can't
complain.



9) I haven't bought a single thing for this baby. Not a onesie, not a sock, not a mitten. Oy!

Preggo Perks

I figure being in the spirit of positivity, it would be a good idea to think of the good things I experience while pregnant. I have officially become one of those women. Women who can ONLY talk about pregnancy and babies. Eeeek!

Anyway, here goes:

1) Having a baby at the end of it. Definitely biggest perk.
2) That "never been in love like this before" feeling.
3) On that note, "And I thank you for choosing me/To come through unto life to be/A beautiful reflection of His grace/For I know that a gift so great/Is only one God could create" Lauryn Hill, Zion
4) Feeling things to the nth power. Every joke is 10 times funnier. I'm never just happy, I'm elated, overjoyed.
5) Holding him/her and just knowing that he/she is in there, with me.
6) Feeling my husband wrap his hand around me to get to his baby.
7) Being pampered by my husband.
8) Feeling more confident and secure
9) Growing, as a person. Actually seeing the changes in my thought process is fascinating
10) Not worrying about the state of MESS at home (although I do wonder how I'll cope once baby is here. Then I have a piece of cake)
11) Feeling the baby move
12) That first ultrasound where it looks like a baby
13) Hearing the baby's heart beat.
14) My husband's face as he listens to his child's heart beat.
15) People who are genuinely concerned about me and the baby.

This IS My Normal

Aaaaaaah. I just had an epiphany.

It took a minute but I realized that in my head I kept wanting to get back to being normal. Like, my old self. I love the fact that I'm going to have a baby (inshaAllah) and I accept (or thought I did) the fact that nothing great comes easy and pregnancy makes both me and mini-me ready to meet each other.

Buuuuuuuut, I kept telling myself, once the sickness passes, I'll be my old self again. Then another round of symptoms came up and I still wasn't my old self (although I'll take these all day every day over those, alhamdulilah).

Then it hit me, WHAAAAAAAAAM, I will NEVER be or feel like my old self. I will NEVER be the same person. And that's OK, that's great, because I'll hopefully be a mommy.

I realize that this might be kinda duh for some people, but it took some time for it to sink in. I was reading someone's experience and battle with the "baby blues" after her baby came and I was wondering if she maybe had unrealistic expectations of what having a baby would be like. And if I could avoid having baby blues, or it's more serious counterpart, PPD.

I am not in any way trying to make light of PPD, and I am referring to the more common and less serious "baby blues". This woman had complained throughout pregnancy about not fitting into old clothes, not being able to go out with friends, how much life will change. And while I was wondering if changing her attitude during pregnancy could have better prepared her, I slapped my forehead and saw that I was kinda doing the same, to a lesser extent.

So now, I am grateful. I am grateful to have the possibility of bringing home baby. I am grateful that I am better now. I am grateful to have a wonderful spouse and support system. I am grateful to live in a country and in a time that help is available to me whenever I need it. I am grateful that I now understand that the most important thing is having a healthy baby and being healthy myself. I am most grateful for my belief in Allah and for His guidance.

You CAN Be Bitch-Slapped by the Preggos in Your Life

Yes, yes you can.

Most preggos have had the unfortunate incident of hearing something so utterly stupid and asinine that they cannot believe they heard right. You are left either with your mouth hanging open in a combo of surprise and disgust or you miraculously find your palm across someones delicate face.

Let's list some of these gems, shall we?

1) Are you dieting?

I suffered through severe pregnancy sickness (I refuse to call it "morning sickness", as should everyone who as suffered through it). As a result I lost quite a few lbs. I am a curvy girl (and no that's not a euphemism for fat), so it shows. Now, I was at an event, and someone there who hadn't seen me in a couple of months, but knew that I was pregnant, asked if I had lost weight. I said I had, but I didn't feel the need to explain because I didn't feel like talking about what I experienced. In any case, she didn't ask that. This angel went on to ask if I was on a diet. I was floored. DIET?!? I asked her to repeat herself, I was so sure I misheard her. She repeated the question. I looked at her and replied that I was in fact on a diet. Someone who was there and knew what I had been going through, quickly jumped to explain the weight loss.

Anyone who went through pregnancy sickness KNOWS the fears that accompany you ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Especially the fear that you are not giving your little one enough nutrients. The worry when your little peanut is measuring small. The fear when you can't feel him move when everyone says you should. For someone to actually suggest that you would do that to yourself on purpose completely floored me.

2) You'll be fine, why when I was pregnant...

Ok, this really annoys me. First off, I don't share my experience unless asked, second, if you ask, I assume you really want to know. Third, yes, your experience may have been waaaay worse, but guess what heffa? I'm going through it NOW, and you're not helping.

3) You don't even have a bump!

Why do people say this? I mean you're already worried that your little patootie is too little, is this supposed to be a compliment?

Things You Should Say
1) You're glowing

She knows she looks like a hot mess, but when you tell her she's glowing (which she is), she will believe you because she knows the joy she has carrying her little one must be obvious.

That's it!