Ramblings

Body is tired, mind is racing.
I was so scared I wouldn't be able to take care of a little baby.
Now I feel confident that I can.
Not sure if that's a good thing.
Doctor says I'm severely anemic.
Guess that's why I'm tired all the time.
Iron pills don't agree with me though.
I wonder if this means I've paid part of my dues and can have an easier unmedicated labor.
Haha, one can hope.
I have a low pain threshold.
Threshold, hmmm, sodium and potassium channels. So so long ago.
At first I wanted to have a darlin' little baby girl.
Then I didn't care.
And now, well, now I want a sweet little boy that reminds me of his daddy.
Pregnancy is hard.
Feeling little peanut move makes up for it.
All the fear, doubt, anxiety, prayer, hope.
I hope it protects you from all the evil in this world.
I want to keep you safe forever.
I don't want to smother you.
Daddy'll help.
He'll make sure I give you your space.
If you're like your momma, you'll drive me crazy.
You'll need a LOT of space.
My daddy was so good to me. Allah yerhamu.
He loved me like no other.
I learned to love from him.

Surah An-Nas
In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
Say: I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind,
The King of mankind,
The God of mankind,
From the evil of the sneaking whisperer,
Who whispereth in the hearts of mankind,
Of the jinn and of mankind.
Surah al-Falaq:
In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
Say: "I seek refuge in the Lord of Daybreak
From the evil of that which He created;
From the evil of the darkness when it is intense,
And from the evil of malignant witchcraft,
And from the evil of the envier when he envieth.


source:http://www.missionislam.com/quran/Surah%20Al-Falaq.htm

Another Sleepless Night

I hear the rain outside and I wonder if that's what my heartbeat sounds like.
I sit up in bed praying for sleep for a tired body and an overactive mind.
I wonder if my body is getting ready for many more sleepless nights.
You are your momma's child.
You squirm and toss and turn just like her
Waiting, waiting, watching the clock, watching your daddy.
You've been nestled right next to my heart for what seems like forever.
I don't want to let you go.
Such a paradox.
I can't wait to hold you in my arms, yet my heart aches with loneliness at the thought that you wont be there to listen to it.
I guess this is to be my first lesson in motherhood.
Learning to let you go while aching to keep you close.