This IS My Normal

Aaaaaaah. I just had an epiphany.

It took a minute but I realized that in my head I kept wanting to get back to being normal. Like, my old self. I love the fact that I'm going to have a baby (inshaAllah) and I accept (or thought I did) the fact that nothing great comes easy and pregnancy makes both me and mini-me ready to meet each other.

Buuuuuuuut, I kept telling myself, once the sickness passes, I'll be my old self again. Then another round of symptoms came up and I still wasn't my old self (although I'll take these all day every day over those, alhamdulilah).

Then it hit me, WHAAAAAAAAAM, I will NEVER be or feel like my old self. I will NEVER be the same person. And that's OK, that's great, because I'll hopefully be a mommy.

I realize that this might be kinda duh for some people, but it took some time for it to sink in. I was reading someone's experience and battle with the "baby blues" after her baby came and I was wondering if she maybe had unrealistic expectations of what having a baby would be like. And if I could avoid having baby blues, or it's more serious counterpart, PPD.

I am not in any way trying to make light of PPD, and I am referring to the more common and less serious "baby blues". This woman had complained throughout pregnancy about not fitting into old clothes, not being able to go out with friends, how much life will change. And while I was wondering if changing her attitude during pregnancy could have better prepared her, I slapped my forehead and saw that I was kinda doing the same, to a lesser extent.

So now, I am grateful. I am grateful to have the possibility of bringing home baby. I am grateful that I am better now. I am grateful to have a wonderful spouse and support system. I am grateful to live in a country and in a time that help is available to me whenever I need it. I am grateful that I now understand that the most important thing is having a healthy baby and being healthy myself. I am most grateful for my belief in Allah and for His guidance.